| And we feel like rain... |
[Jul. 24th, 2005|04:38 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bored | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Feel Like Rain" by Motion City Soundtrack | ] |
...when the words all sound the same.
Wow, I haven't been on here in...
forever.
My life hasn't really changed. Summer. Yay.
Still with the boyfriend, wow, almost 10
months...I've been really bored lately. I
have nothing to do. My days are repeating...
Get up. Eat. Go potty. Shower. Brush teeth.
Get dressed. Put on make-up. Put on shoes.
...and wait. Wait for the phone to ring.
I need something to do. I need...? I dunno.
I want a job, then I would have something,
I guess. Oh, poo. I got a myspace...yup. I'm
a joiner, hooray. ..::Amanda Diane::..
<3 |
|
|
| Oh man. |
[Jan. 9th, 2005|04:13 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blah | ] |
| [ | music |
| | ...none... | ] |
Words...
I have nothing to say.
<3
I'm so empty...
I'm only full when you're around.
I miss and love you. |
|
|
| And tears streamed down his face... |
[Oct. 24th, 2004|04:30 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  grateful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | ...no music... | ] |
Like blood from an open wound...
Jeez...
It's been days since I've written in this thing,
let alone been online.
I moved out of the horrid Cougar Ct,
and onto San Carlos. I like it a lot better,
it's bigger...it's a lot closer to my friends,
to school, and to my boyfriend...
tee-hee, yes...It FINALLY happened,
October 1st, to be exact.
I'm so happy with him.
<3 |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Sep. 24th, 2004|06:31 pm] |
Amy is my girlfriend.
I love me some Amy.
<3 |
|
|
| You said, that I could trust you... |
[Sep. 11th, 2004|07:15 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  nervous | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "True" by Ryan Cabrera | ] |
I hope he doesn't make me regret this.
...will it ever count as more than just a friendship?
I can't believe that I went through with it. I truly bewilder myself...oh man, I'm so afraid of regret.
...don't let it happen, don't be a liar.
I don't want to be just your friend anymore. We are more than just that...you know it, they know it, I know it.
...be mine. |
|
|
| Look how pretty she is when she falls down... |
[Aug. 24th, 2004|07:23 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  hopeful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Bleeding Mascara" by Atreyu | ] |
Will it get better?...ever? I don't think it's right to bring others into the pointless drama that has come between us, it's just not fair to them. They have their own shit, so let's just keep it between us...
Less people, less lies. Less lies, less hate. Less hate, less time this will take to get over, and fix.
I don't want this "he said, she said" bull to come between us. I feel that we, and our friendship, are way better than that. I know we are better than that. Every relationship has its good times, and bad...
We've had the best of times, now we have to learn to get through the worst...
<3 |
|
|
| And your hands have been in places that they probably shouldn't go... |
[Aug. 23rd, 2004|10:35 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  broken | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Taking Back Sunday CD "Tell All Your Friends" | ] |
But dont worry sweetie, because I already know...
You don't have to pretend like there is nothing going on, I know there is. The longer you try and keep it a secret, the more I'll find out about it from others...your nudges, and smiles...and grow to hate you two more. It may only be my imagination...but it's a girl thing, when you know...you just know, and I know I know.
I suppose it's just karma. I suppose I deserved this. I should really stop supposing...
I was following my heart, and look where it got me. I shouldn't have let myself fall this hard...He's done it once, he'll do it again. Why didn't I listen to my head...it made so much sense. I was blinded by "love", I didn't see all the lies he put down in front of me...so clearly. My eyes are open now, be aware...I can see.
...But I can't regret, so just forget it. I started something I couldn't finish...
Thanks for finishing it for me...fuckers. |
|
|
| I wish I could be open with people... |
[Aug. 22nd, 2004|07:21 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | blah | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Song 2" by Blur | ] |
Long time, no up-date. I don't really know what to write in here these days...I could, of course, write of the drama that has consmued my life in these past three months, but who wants to hear about all that?...
School starting up again soon...I don't really want to go back. I have enjoyed the freedom of "no school" this summer way too much, and I don't want to go back to that hell-hole of an educational place.
Guilt has come over me. I feel like such a bad child, I have never lied to my Mom so much before...It seems as if my whole summer has been one big lie when it comes to telling my mom about it. I've had to make up endless amounts of stories to cover for myself and friends...thankfully, 90% of them worked...But, I feel bad for feeding her all that bull.
Why is it so hard for me to just tell my parents the truth?...It's not as if I'm out commiting crimes every night, or worse...I just find it easier to tell them that I was spending the evening at Shawna's playing video games...when I was actually at Juan's, then Derek's, then to the store, abck to Juan's, and then Funworks, and then here and there, oh and over there too!...pathetic, in an amusing way.
Eh, I feel worn out in every possible way. I just don't care anymore...hate me, love me..as long as I'm still me, I'm happy. |
|
|
| I won't talk, I won't breathe... |
[Aug. 1st, 2004|07:55 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  indescribable | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "True" by Ryan Cabrera | ] |
I won't move till you finally see,
that you belong with me.
You might think,
I dont look,
but deep inside in
the corner of my mind
I'm attatched to you.
I'm weak, its true.
'Cause I'm afraid to know the answer.
Do u want me too?
'Cause my heart
keeps falling faster...
I've waited all my life,
to cross this line,
to the only thing thats true.
So, I will not hide, its time to try,
anything to be with you.
All my life I've waited...
This is true.
You don't know, what you do,
everytime you walk into the room
I'm afraid to move...
I'm weak, its true.
I'm just scared to know the ending.
Do you see me too?
Do you even know you met me?
I've waited all my life,
to cross this line,
to the only thing thats true.
So, I will not hide, its time to try,
anything to be with you.
All my life I've waited...
This is true.
I know when I go,
I'll be on my way to you.
The way that's true.
I've waited all my life,
to cross this line,
to the only thing thats true.
So, I will not hide, its time to try,
anything to be with you.
All my life I've waited...
This is true... |
|
|
| Beautiful sacred things... |
[Jul. 31st, 2004|02:05 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  thinking...always | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Pride War" by Further Seems Forever | ] |
Well, I was wrong about that situation...Oh boy, was I wrong.
I was so happy that I was able to tell him mostly everything, it felt good to get it over with. There was plenty of hesitation, and wonderings of whether or not I sounded dumb, but I did it...hooray! :) Although, I kind of feel like I'm back at step one, because all I can do now is wait...again. I'm forever waiting on everything...so it's really nothing new to me...Oh, hum.
...If I would fall to pieces. |
|
|
| Would you be so kind, as to make up your mind... |
[Jul. 27th, 2004|12:18 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  annoyed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Blue" by A Perfect Circle | ] |
...about me, about this, about us, about that kiss?
I thought I was right...but maybe I'm wrong. :/ Bunch o'bull shit. I had a lil'scare last night, I'm glad everyone is okay and not in too much trouble...
I thought, perhaps, that they might have learned a lesson from that expierence...yet again, I was wrong. They are back to their old ways...well most of them. At least one of them learned, hopefully.
Lately, my mom has been a nosy bitch. She is driving me crazy...treating me like a criminal when I have done nothing wrong...I just feel like screaming, and pushing someone down. Anxiety is a bitch.
...fuck! |
|
|
| It won't be long now till im broken. My heart, for you, I have spoken... |
[Jul. 24th, 2004|06:24 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | rejected | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Pieces Of Me" by Ashlee Simpson | ] |
ARGH! Why am I letting this bother me? I keep telling myself that it's over with, but I still have hope that it isn't. I need to lose all hope, so therefore I will stop caring....Just forget...that's what he did, and he seems to be going along just fine without you. You can do the same.
...right?
Wrong...I am a fucking idiot. I should have never done anything...but, I got to learn on my own...or else I won't learn at all. Although, I am sure that this lesson is not over...for it has only begun. |
|
|
| Do you know what they say, what they say about you... |
[Jul. 22nd, 2004|10:01 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | disappointed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Do You Know (Knife In Your Back)" by Killradio | ] |
This song reminds me of someone, oh my...I feel sick! I don't want to be sick during the summer...perhaps it's just all in my head.
Or maybe, just maybe, my head is sick. :/
I feel so used. I was blind to his actions, I just wanted to believe his words. I should have seen this coming from the begining...I miss him. Why? I shouldn't even care, not one bit, but I do...and it's quite a lot. I'm so dumb. I'm such a girl.
I'm usually smarter than this, when it comes to things like this...but then again I'm usually seeing things from "outside the box" and this time I was "in the box". You can't see things quite as clear when your in here...good grief.
...never thought twice about holdin your tounge. |
|
|
| Don't believe in me, because I will let you down... |
[Jul. 16th, 2004|06:36 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | blah | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Don't Believe" by Letter Kills | ] |
So, this is what it feels like...to be let down, again. I should never assume, I tell myself this over and over again...but I always end up assuming that everything will be grand, and when it seems like it's actually going to be grand...it all goes downhill, and catches on fire.
Oh my fucking goodness. I just want things to be...good. :/
|
|
|
| I'm not o'fucking kay... |
[Jul. 11th, 2004|05:50 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | upset... | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "I'm Not Okay (I Promise)" by My Chemical Romance | ] |
If only someone would notice...
|
|
|
| The ground is getting closer, and the sky is falling... |
[Jul. 8th, 2004|09:05 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | depressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "This Song Brought To You By A Falling Bomb" by Thursday | ] |
I've been holding my breath for so long, and I just want to breathe again. Will you please loosen your grip on my throat?
Are things getting better?...Or have they only begun to get worse?
I can't seem to stop myself from crying... |
|
|
| Leave me here in my... |
[Jul. 7th, 2004|10:43 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | annoyed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Sick Sad Little World" by Incubus | ] |
If I really make you that miserable, then I'll leave you alone. I don't want to bother you anymore, I don't want to bother anyone for that matter...So leave me behind, I'll be fine. Wouldn't be the first time this has happened. I always recover and come out a better person. But if you do go, know it was your decision, not mine. I can only suggest things to make it better...
I NEVER asked for ANY of this...it just came, so don't blame me...but fault me anyways, please...just go ahead. :)
...Rip me to fucking shreds. Wake up and do it. Stop dreaming. Just get it over with. Just fucking do it. End both our miseries... |
|
|
| Then I looked into your eyes,and for the first time I felt safe and comfortable with you and myself. |
[Jul. 7th, 2004|05:59 pm] |
Im so tired...the past five days have been so "eventful"...yea that's what we'll call it...eventful. I need to got to sleep but I don't wanna.
I've been changing. I know it. All my friends from middle school aren't use to my changes. It's hard for me to learn and cope with them, let alone them. I feel bad, but change happens, for the worst and the best...it happens.
Warped Tour was great. It was fucking awesome. I wanna go next year for sure.
I need to go sleep. I need to go think. I need to go take a shower. I need to go.... |
|
|
| I don't want to feel this way forever... |
[Jun. 30th, 2004|02:22 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | blah, fucking blah | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Understanding In A Car Crash" by Thursday | ] |
It has me laughing, smiling, blushing, feeling good about myself...and then it has me frowning, crying, frustrated, wanting to get away from it.
It's like the fish says,"Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming..."
I think I'm doing "that thing" again...I shouldn't be doing "that thing" ever again...but, it's slowly starting up...fuck this. I need help :/ Today was a bad day...
I need to do what the fish says,"Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming..."
People never seem to fail and amaze me, they fucking blow my mind. |
|
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